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Parenting...WTF - Jennifer Pitt
Jennifer Pitt

Parenting…WTF

I have been badgered and harassed for a few months now to write a post or not about parenting. I have been staunchly against it, but clearly not as steadfast as I would have myself believe.

I am a new mother. New-ish. The dependent is 3.5 months old now (for you mothers who can’t count in months, that’s 14 weeks), and it gets worse every day.

Ok, not worse. Better than a squawking 2-week old for sure, but I am just that much closer to having a 15-year old daughter. So yeah – worse.

All of the people who portray motherhood and new motherhood as a magical experience are either high on meth or seriously imbalanced. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter immensely…but I don’t like her all of the time. It’s not all love and flowers and cooing smiles and adorableness. There’s screaming, shitty diapers, screaming, screaming, and screaming.

And I am blessed with one of the good ones – I know this by listening to all of my friends. My daughter sleeps through the night, and has done since she was about 7 weeks old. She doesn’t shriek unless there is a problem, and the shrieking quickly stops if I solve unsaid problem. I have no colic to deal with, although her farts are pretty gross, so I could do with less of those. She is getting good at self-soothing, because we broke her of her soother at 5 weeks – Mama’s choice, I got sick of putting it back in her mouth every 6.9 seconds, and waking up to do so at about the same interval.

So, knowing that I am graced with one of Baby Jesus’s own prototypes, how is it that I can complain, you ask?

They’re not complaints about my daughter. The complaints I have are about all the liars, and all the pretenders who make out what new mothers face to be all happiness and rainbows. The women who have the time to shower (or say they do – but I call bullshit), to cook meals for the current breadwinner, to clean their homes, do (AND FOLD!!) all the laundry, and breathlessly seduce their husbands at the end of the day.

To the supermoms who can, good for you. Grey Goose is counting on your support.

Also…when I googled ‘super mom’ to find a jpeg for this article, it came up with dozens of images of Bollywood men….

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